I’m unsure if Louisa May Alcott’s ‘Little Women’ was my second read of the year because I couldn’t finish it.
This book was one of my picks for my book club. I’d always been curious based on—and don’t laugh now—that ‘Friends’ episode. You know, the one with Stephen King’s ‘The Shining’? Well, I figured if Joey loved it, then I would have no trouble.
How wrong I was.
This book was the most sugary, sentimental, too-perfect tripe I’ve ever tried to slog my way through. There are four daughters and one mother. They are all a Mary Sue. Everything is excellent, and everyone is a good little Christian girl. Everything was so brilliant and fabulous that it made me angry. ‘Oh, how good it is to be poor, for it so teaches us proper appreciation! Three cheers for Marmy!’ Bugger off.
I know that I am a thirty-year-old man living in the year 2024. I know I love horror and science fiction. I know Alcott wrote this in the 1800s. I know she wrote it for little girls. But I can appreciate things outside of my wheelhouse. Hell, this is part of the reason why I wanted to join a book club in the first place. To expose myself to books I would have otherwise missed. And I also know that this was one of my picks—I was curious.
But good God, was it awful.
I felt—and this is no exaggeration—nauseous after reading it.
After ingesting so much sugar, I may be diabetic now.
